Monday, April 27, 2009

Sisterly Love

The more I write the more I see my family as being dysfunctional. I did not know that before. I worry about what I am going to find when I start describing "myself as I see me." Maybe I should beware of walking that path. Oh no! What is good enough for my siblings is good enough for me. I will take my lumps. OW! Back to the subject at hand. My oldest sister, I am giving a nickname to, as it is easier to write with a name than saying she or he all the time. From now on she will be known as "Roo." This woman was a diversity, a complex person. Whether you believe in the signs of the zodiac or not, she was definitely a true Gemini. Roo had two faces and most people who knew her saw the nice one. She was so very clever, it was hard to distinguish who she was at any given moment. Roo would say to you, something like, "Do you not think that person should have worn a dress to this function instead of a pant suit?" No matter what you say in response, she would keep on the subject and give reasons as to why you should agree with her, until you finally do, or at least say,"You could be right." That would be what she wanted to hear and would later tell that person,"You know so and so said you should have worn a dress instead of a pant suit." It was easier for her to deliver her message that way than to be bold enough to pass on her opinion in the first place. I have seen and heard Roo do this so many times and more than once I was her victim until I caught on, or was approached by the other person and had to wiggle my way out. My mom favored her, at least that is what we always believed, until our mom told a friend one time that "My girls think Roo is my favorite, but that is not true. A mother always protects her weakest." The friend passed this on to one of my sisters. Well, in her protection of Roo, she passed on great pain to the rest of us. Here is an example. A day came when my mom asked me to take her to my lawyer as she wanted to make out a new will now that my dad had passed on. During the process of relating what she wanted done, she told the lawyer, "I want my youngest child to have my wedding ring." This came as a wonderful surprise to me and I was so honored and proud that I wanted to share this news. Big mistake! Be careful who you share your good news with. I found out later Roo put up such a fuss and tears flowed so hard that my mother had Roo take her back to the lawyers to change it to where Roo got the ring instead of me. When my mom passed on and Roo was wearing the ring she was badgered on and off for several years by my other siblings about how wrong she had been. She finally could not take the guilt any longer and said she would give me the ring, but I had to give her a ring in return.I did not have another ring outside of my wedding bands except one moss agate ring that an aunt had given me. Roo said she would take that and she did. I had to choose which would make me feel less hurt. Another time she betrayed me was when my husband and I had friends we played card with every Saturday night . One night I had not heard from my friend about our time and plans, as we usually called ahead to make arrangements, and so I called her. My friend said she had made other plans for the evening and would not be able to keep our usual date. O.K. I understand that. Something did not feel right though and so I called the next day. My friend said Roo had called her and said why did she always have to play cards with us, why could she not play cards with Roo and her husband. Mind you, this was not and never had been Roo's friend. The couple were our friends for a long time. I asked why she did not just say so last night and she said, "Your sister asked me not to tell you." I cannot tell you how hurt I was from both of them. The friendship never was the same and eventually went by the wayside. Roo and her husband stayed close to them for a long time after. I guess until they felt I was no longer hurt and Roo could get no joy anymore from what she had done to me. She vied for attention right up until the day she died. She told me and everyone else who would listen how badly she was being treated by her one son and daughter-in-law, but when any of us tried to help her or give her assistance she would refuse and say nothing was wrong. Oh, we know for sure her youngest son and daughter-in-law fleeced her of what money she had, and took control of her life, but we also found out her abuse stories were not all true. Her oldest son tried hard to take her home with him and even confronted the younger one, but Roo would not budge. She told all these abuse stories to all her friends at the Moose lodge and they would advise her and offer help until they got tired of hearing about it. She would always refuse their help. It was her way of getting attention. The same way it had been all her life. I do have to tell you, despite all of this, I loved my sister. Some of the best times I had in my life and some of the best memories are with her. I can't tell you how many laughs we have had together, and during World War II we were inseparable. In our old age we went back to our younger years and recalled so many things and laughed all over again. How could I love her when she did so many mean things to me? Believe me, I have not told them all, but I do not know. I just know I did love her! If you remember past blogs you will remember good and bad things also. Remember the eggs? So funny! Remember the naughty little girl? Not so funny. If she were here today and could write her blog, she would probably recall things I did that hurt her also, so everyone has a story to tell!

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