Saturday, May 30, 2009

Mine Eyes Have Seen No Glory!

I live on a busy street where I can look out my kitchen window and watch traffic going by on a four-lane street. I see accidents quite often and I see people walking down the sidewalk daily to the little shopping center on the next corner. I am not a busy body, but my kitchen table sits facing a window looking out onto the street. When I eat any meal I am facing that window. There is no way to change it. I have seen many strange things going on outside that window. When we moved here back in 1970 there was a vacant lot across from me and some goats and a frisky donkey. Every now and again the donkey would try to start a romance with the great big Billy goat who was never in the mood to giving in to his advances. After all he did have his Nanny there and several of his children running around. The kids were a joy to watch as they climbed atop the small old sheds that were laying in disrepair and would jump around on the top of them and then they bounded off to the ground. Often times they also played head butting. The big Billy would play catch with his owner who came down to the field often bringing a big ball with him to play catch with old Billy. He would throw the ball to the goat that would lower his head, give the ball a good butt with his horns sending it back to the guy who would catch it and the process started all over again. It was so neat to watch. Then one Easter morning when I looked out the window all the babies were gone. I thought maybe the guy had moved, but he later came down to ask if we had seen anyone around. Someone had stolen them all and he suspected it was some Asians who had done the deed, as the babies were a delicacy and a tradition to eat at this particular time of year. That is what he told me and I later had the same story repeated to me by others. This is part of the Asian culture they said, but it devastated all of us! Now everything is gone and a huge apartment complex takes its place. I hardly ever see anything that makes me smile, but a lot that makes me sad. There are many homeless that go walking by and some are developmentally deprived. One woman with a back pack strapped across her back stoops to inspect things she finds on the sidewalk. She scratches the walk, then picks something up and looks it over carefully. Another has a shopping cart loaded with all her belongings. She often stops in front and goes through it all, sorts it all out then puts it all back together and goes on down the street. One day she stopped at the flood control ditch behind my house, took everything out of the cart until she found a large water bottle, poured part of it over her head and began washing her head. She then poured the remaining water over her head for a rinse. She picked up some kind of cloth and dried her hair, put everything back in the cart and off she went. I have not seen her for a long time now and I suspect she was the girl I read about in the paper that was found under a bridge somewhere. Other people have not seen her either and suspect the same thing. I have seen drugs being exchanged across the street near the bridge, a man attack another man until he was pulled off by some other men, a girl jump out of a car and run down the street in fear, police cars pull a guy over, hand cuff him and take him away, a tow truck comes for the car. The most frightening thing was someone missing the street corner on which I live and their car plowing through my fence. This has happened twice! The first time they missed the huge rock in my yard by inches. This morning a young man pushing a child in a stroller stopped to take a drink out of some kind of bottle he had tucked away in a bag sitting on top of the stroller. He put the bottle back, then walked around in front to look at the child, handed it something he took out of his pocket, and he then brushed what seemed to be crumbs from off the child’s tummy. He went back and retrieved the bottle and shared his drink with, I think it was a little boy, before again tucking it away. The man then went again in front of the kid, inspected him all over, looking satisfied he rearranged his bags on top of the stroller and proceeded down the street. People are always just stopping in the middle of the sidewalk and doing something. It is so weird. Yesterday two girls were walking down the street and one was supporting the other as it looked as though the one girl had injured her foot in some way. There was no shoe on it and she was hopping on one foot as the other girl supported her. Down the street they went. About an hour later here they come again and this time she is walking on the foot, but limping and two guys coming from the other direction stop right in front of my window for conversation with them. It looked as though they all knew each other. After a few minutes one of the fellows takes off down the street by himself, never looking back, but the other one stays with the girls and gives the one a kiss on the cheek as they all go on down the street out of sight. There are three fellows that come out daily from the apartments across the street and walk to the shopping center. They are so interesting to watch. They come down the street single file. One behind the other they go. They never smile and one walks without swinging his arms at all. He looks so mechanical. The one in the lead swings his arms a bit, but never looks around to see if the other two are coming. The third one trudges a bit with his head down. Sometimes there are only two and I sadly suspect they are handicapped also. Poor, poor people! I wish I could remember every thing I have seen, but it would fill this page and a few more. These are just some of the things I have seen since moving in. Traffic accidents happen on a regular basis and fire engines and police sirens scream by daily. I am not always sitting at my table, but besides eating there three times a day, I also do a lot of my hobby work from there. What these eyes have seen! This is another day 6/2/09. I just have to add what I saw a few minutes ago while preparing supper. A man and a woman came walking down the flood control ditch pathway, ( a lot of people do) and stopped at the end where a sidewalk begins. He handed her a jacket and she handed it back. They stood talking for a few seconds then stepped over the pipe that separates it from the sidewalk and she started walking on down the street. He turned and watched the traffic going by, leaned out across the curb and wavered a bit. I thought he was going to fall into the traffic, but he caught himself and waved at a yellow convertible driving by. Then he waved at a truck and again at another car and another. He then started jumping up and down and waving his arms. Finally, he decided to walk on down the street in the direction she had gone, but he was obviously under the influence of something for he could not walk straight. He kept veering toward the traffic and back again until he was out of sight. Just about ten minutes later, here they come back again. He was walking behind her or rather trying to walk while she ignored him and kept going. He finally made a great stretch of his hand and tried to reach out to her. He must have said something to her for she turned around and gave him a good swat on his back. he stumbled a bit, but on they went down the street, out of sight. I also forgot to mention how many people I see passing by with grocery carts filled with empty bottles. Grocery carts are not for stealing, but people do, and so up go our grocery prices. This is enough and I have seen enough, but like they say,"The show must go on!"

Monday, May 25, 2009

Here's What I Like

Do you know what I like? No? let me tell you.I like the sound of a soft rain falling on a tin roof. I like to hear from my open bedroom window, the chirping of the birds. I like to watch the humming birds as they zoom here and there before settling on an open flower. I like the way they fly right up close to inspect me, linger for a moment and then back track to their destination. I like to see a flower show its first bud, then watch daily as it begins to open up a tiny bit at a time. I like to see it when it is in full bloom and smell its lovely aroma. I like to watch the sun setting in the West and watch the sky turning to crimson from the sun's glow. I like to listen to a baby's laughter, and hear the roar of an ocean wave heading for shore, and listen to it calmly retracting back to whence it came, then burst forth again to repeat the same pattern. I like how a dog is so happy to see its master or mistress and almost twists in half with joy at seeing them. I love to watch the joy between the two of them. I love it even more when it is me. I like the smell of bacon frying in a pan, and the wonderful smell of fresh baked bread, or homemade cookies. I like anything that makes me laugh. I absolutely love to laugh. I like seeing a dolphin rise from below the water and burst like a rocket into the air, turn its huge body and head back down into the deep. That is a gorgeous sight to see. I like to see a pregnant woman and her husband holding hands and smiling. I love my family and my friends, and the fact they all stay in touch with me. There is so much to like I can't name them all. What I would like most is a peaceful loving world where everyone could get along without wanting what the other guy has, and be thankful for what they have themselves. I would like people not being predjudiced against anyone who is different than themselves. I would like people coming into a foreign country to be respectful of their new country's ways and adopt the new countries laws and rules. I would like them to carry their new adopted country's flag instead of flaunty their own where they chose to leave. Now that they have decided this is where they now want to live I would like it if they acted like they meant it. I really would like it if you enjoy reading this and get some pleasure out of the same things I do. I would like it if you make a list of what you yourself like. It is fun and interesting to find out about yourself. Go ahead! I would like that!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Have You Ever Noticed?

Have you ever noticed when you go to the beauty parlor to get your hair done that none of the beauticians have had theirs done? Look at those ladies! Their hair is a mess. What kind of message does that send? Are we not paying them enough, or are we working them too hard that they haven’t the time to look good for us? Should we feel guilty as we walk out the door? Come on ladies get a hair do and spruce up the environment.
Have you ever noticed that since the new law went in that it is illegal to use your cell phone while driving that nobody cares. They still have that device glued to their heads. Just get behind a pokey driver and you can bet they are on the cell. What happened before we had the darn thing, and you had to wait until you got home to get a message or call someone? Did your world fall apart? How meaningless is your life that you have to have a phone to your ear constantly to survive? Don’t you have a hobby, or a child to take care of, or a book to read, or a job to go to, or a family who needs your attention, or a friend who needs you to run an errand or just anything important in your life that does not require an attachment to your ear? I see you walking down the street with that thing up to your head. It looks like you are talking to yourself. You cannot even enjoy the outdoors without it. You may not think so, but it is very sad that nothing is more important to you than that.
Have you noticed that we are now told what we like on television? What were once considered family programs are now still billed as that, but they have just decided that we, the public, wish it to be sprinkled with a bit of sex. I don’t know about you, but I always thought sex was a private matter between two consenting adults. I am not saying I disapprove of sex, only that I do not enjoy watching someone else having it. I have always been under the assumption that modesty, self-respect, and decency were still in style and would forever remain so. Soap operas are filled with it and in the daytime also when children can watch whenever they want. Oh yes, and did you know we also want a lot of crime on our television. There is not enough of it filling our newspapers everyday with what is going on in our own hometown; we now have it on our TVs. If that is not enough, you can find out how to break out of prison or what is going on in the criminal mind. All subjects we have been clamoring for because a calm serene life was not good enough. And the best of all is, just look at yourself!! Have you noticed? You just are not thin enough. To be perfect you have to have your skinny arms and legs hanging down like canary bird legs. Your bones have to protrude through your neck and across your upper chest like a skeleton. Turn around so you can show you have sprouted wings on the back of you, but you still can’t fly. You once had shoulder blades, but they have now turned into wings. Now that you have done that wear your pants down to where we can see where the crack in your back starts and your modesty in front begins. You are embarrassed if your nipples show, but not the rest of your bosom. Why is that?
I know you are going to say I can turn the television off and look the other way from all the exposure, but why should I have to? Does my opinion not count? Has decency and self- respect been trampled on so badly that people really enjoy this? If that is so, then I am glad I am 86 and leaving all this mess for them to clean up. They made it. The day will come when someone out there will want to do it and bring back a clean and respectful world. What goes around comes around!
I am not through yet. Again on television is a program where people send in their funniest home videos. I have to admit there are some funny ones, and I have chuckled at a few, but there are some that are downright awful that people just crack up over. I am sitting there saying, “Oh no!” while the audience is in hysterics. These people were actually hurt. Little kids are crying and animals are running off scared to death. How can you laugh at someone else’s pain? I know they are paid for sending in their videos, but when they took them they were not expecting someone to get hurt. I have seen tears and excruciating pain happen and I cannot laugh. Sorry! Before I sign off I have one more thing that I have noticed. The bicycle rider. I realize there are a lot of responsible ones out there, but there are more that are not. I live on a busy street and see it every day. They ride on the wrong side of the street, they ignore red lights, and they disobey every traffic law in the book and still want the same considerations that motorist have. So here is what I think. Let them get a license just like we drivers have to do. Starting at a certain age, a bicyclist should have to take a test and apply for a license just like the rest of us on the road. Now I am finished and you can disagree with me on any or all. I really do not care. This is just my opinion to which I am entitled. Have you ever noticed?

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Growing Older

Growing older is not easy. It is not easy either to be a caretaker of an older person. Since I have done both I believe I am qualified to talk, or I should say write, on the subject. Growing old is something no one can avoid. You start it the minute you are born. Have you ever thought about that? Well, it is not so bad until you reach about sixty. That is when things start becoming noticeable. Of course there are a lot of people who freak out about their age at thirty and some at forty. Those numbers seem to bother a lot of people. But do not worry about it too much. Those are just numbers and you still look pretty good, so relax! It is when first one pain and then another start letting you know you are getting there. Also when your doctor starts sending you for this test and that test, “But not to worry,” he says, “We are just being safe”, or cautious or whatever it is he knows, but you don’t. Suddenly you are aware that yes, you are getting older. Try real hard to say, “I am just fine,” when someone asks, “How are you?” Trust me! It is only a social greeting and they really do not want to know, so don’t dive into all the things of which you are suddenly aware. They have their own to worry about, and if you talk about yours they are going to reciprocate by telling all the things that are wrong with them also, and there you both are stuck in a conversation neither one wanted to know about. Just keep smiling.
Smiles cure so much and they are not painful to take. Now some old folks are not easy to take care of. In fact some can be downright mean. Those that still have all their faculties are usually pretty nice and feel badly because you have to wait on them. Others think it is your duty to wait on them and are always in need of something. They can be very critical of everything you do. Please, let me be the nice one. I try so hard to be that way because I know what a caretaker faces. I am not qualified to tell you how to handle the ones who no longer have their faculties, because I have never had to take care of them. I can however tell you how to handle the rest. In my cases, at least, I have found out that communication is the best answer, and it solves a lot of misunderstandings. When they become angry or upset over something, for heaven's sake, do not quarrel with them. That solves nothing and leaves you both angry and it is very hard to repair. I know when their minds are as alert as yours that it is not easy to hold your temper, but you can do it. Just ask them, ”What is wrong? Let’s talk about it.” Ask if you did something wrong and if so what can you do to fix it. If they are the ones who have caused the problem, then say, “Let’s talk about this. You need to know why you have upset me.” Get a good conversation going without anger and usually any problem can be solved. Also listen to them and make them listen to you. All with understanding and most importantly with a great big smile. Remember me saying a smile can fix a lot of things. Most people can’t stay mad when you are smiling. YOU can’t stay mad when you are smiling. It is not easy growing old and it is not easy to be a caretaker of us oldies. Sometimes you drove us crazy when you were children, and now the whole situation has turned around. The parent becomes the child and the child becomes the parent. Life is so confusing, isn't it? In closing I want to tell you when I was taking care of my ninety five year old mother, she became upset when my husband and I were going out for the evening. We hired a sitter just like you do for your children because at her age we did not want to leaver her alone. I knew something was wrong as she looked like she was pouting. I asked her what was wrong and she said, “I just wished I could go out and go dancing too instead of sitting here in this rocking chair.” Right away I stopped on my way out, sat down on the floor by her feet and told her, “I know of course that is what you would like to do. I also wish you could do that, but mom, you have had your day and you have had a lot of fun in your day, but it is now my turn. Soon, I will be the one in the chair and my children will be going out and leaving me wishing the same thing you are wishing now. We all have to take our turns.” She patted my hands and said, “I know, have a good time”

Thursday, May 14, 2009

A Change Of Pace

My Teddy Bear

Maybe my second childhood is here
Or maybe it just feels good,
But I like hugging my teddy bear
And I think that everyone should.

A child hugs its new stuffed toy
For comfort, joy, and sleep.
And when it’s old and raggedy
It’s the one thing that they keep.

It’s a friend, a pal, a plaything,
It’s loyal and always there.
It listens when you need to talk
Or you’re crying in despair.

You take that great big teddy bear
You hold it in your arms.
It feels as though it hugs you back
That teddy has such charms.

I know you think that I’ve gone daft
But really that’s not so
The only time I hug my teddy
Is when I’m feeling low.

It’s a very soft and cuddly bear
I can bury my face and cry.
There’s no one else to comfort me
So I love my teddy, that’s why!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

A Crafty Crew!

I guess it is the age that makes you think of things gone by. Sometimes it brings a smile to my face and other times I say to myself, "Why are you thinking about that?" Working out in the garage the other day, brought up some very dear memories and things I like to think about. Also my son's new girlfriend made the statement that we were sure a talented family. At least we are crafty. I do not know so much about talent, but crafty we are. It is no wonder my two boys like making things also. When they were young I put them to work helping me do my craft work. Way back, I used to buy molds and boxes of plaster of paris and mix and pour my own figurines. I mostly did ladies of the 1800s. Oh they were so pretty and fashionable, and what fun to paint and make them come alive. Then I started looking for people's discarded 78 records. I used an old roasting pan of my mom's in which I heated water to just below the boiling point. I borrowed a piece of wood, actually it was a block of wood, from my dad. It was about three inches thick and about twelve inches long.I dipped one half of the record in the hot water until it was pliable. I then pulled it out of the water, and working quickly, laid the block of wood on it in the middle. I pulled the side I had just heated up to form whatever I was making and held it in place until it cooled and was set. I then did the same on the other side. Voila! I had a letter holder. I also made trays and wall hangings. The possibilities were endless. I could paint them solid or with designs or just leave them plain for a conversation piece.
When I first married Bob, he became a hobby guy also, whether he wanted to or not. My sister Barbra and I took our children with us out on the country roads where we picked thistles. Lots and lots of thistles. Of course we had to wear gloves as those things have no respect for your hands. Next we purchased a roll of chicken wire, cans of spray paint and simple decorations and ribbon. Using wire cutters, and again using gloves, we rolled and formed a cone shaped piece about fifteen to twenty inches tall. We then very carefully cut the thistle's stem to about two inches and started punching them into the chicken wire. When all the spaces were filled, we had what looked like a tree. They were then sprayed with silver or gold paint and a wee bit of decoration and ribbon. Now they looked like a Christmas tree. Our husbands and kids were sent out house to house to sell them. We did really well and that is how we earned our Christmas money. My oldest son was given some spindles from a friend who worked at the shoe factory and he used a bowl and mixer of mine to whip up some water and Ivory Soap Flakes until they formed peaks and were stiff. First he used electrical wire and wired the spindles to hold one Christmas tree light. Lights back then were big like your night lights today. He finished it off by covering it with the soap stuff which when left overnight hardened up nicely and made a lovely Christmas candle. He did well selling those also. My youngest son had to help me with beer cans. Not the aluminum ones as they are too pliable, but we used the old fashioned hard can which I don't believe is used today for beer. I learned to make rocking chairs, straight chairs, foot stools, and beds. The seam was used for the rocking chair's base, bent to form a rocker. The lid was used for the cushion which we padded and covered in velvet. Again, we spray painted the finished product. The fish factory workers and the Gravenstein Apple Plant workers kept me in business for quit q while. My young son, Brent, was thrilled when production slowed down and I no longer needed him to help cut and bend. Poor kid!
When we moved to the house we are in now, my dearest Bobby Joe became a very important helper to me. In fact, in his retirement, I was determined he was not going to be a couch potato and sit and stagnate, soooo we bought him a new saw, and a new sander, and whatever else he needed to go in business with me. Since he had just retired from working in a lumber yard, he was just the right guy that I needed for my new project. I drew the patterns for him, he cut them out, and I drew in whatever was needed and painted them There were so many things we made the list is too long to try and remember, but our big sellers were the whirly birds for the yard and some wonderful animal plaques for the wall. My son Brent lived with us then and he put the whirlys together for us. He also made animal planter boxes. The people at the Moose Lodge loved our animal bouquets in pots. My favorite memory is when Bob finished a piece and I was not satisfied with its finish, I would send it back to him to sand or cut smoother, whichever was needed. I always remember the two of us laughing when he said to me, "Boy you are tough to work for. I am glad I did not work for you all these years. You're a tough boss!" He said it lovingly and we both got a chuckle out of it. He took it back willingly and learned to double check it before it came to me. I still do hobby work, but mostly by myself. I also do a lot of poetry writing. I have written nine children's books in poetry. I also help my oldest son Cary out when he needs me on his miniatures. He is into that for a hobby and extremely talented. He is an officer in the miniature club's national association called "NAME." Occasionally I have to ask him to help me sometimes also. My youngest is a handy man. He does all kinds of fixing and repairing and holds down a job doing just that. Yep we are all talented, OOOPS! I mean crafty! I think everyone should have a hobby. It keeps the mind young! That is worth it all to be sure. I do pretty good for eighty six.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I Was Just Thinking!

I was just thinking! Everyone should have a Susan, a Michele, and a Nelda in their lives. They are three of the most delightful ladies I know. The best part is that they like me. They have told me so. In fact they have said they love me. How great is that? I know they mean it also because they have nothing to gain by telling me how they feel. What is funny about it is that they all have used the same words in telling me how they see me, and two of them do not even know each other. They make me feel so important and special. Me, Blanche, liked and loved by these three great ladies!! To the right are pictures of Susan and her Emil and then Nelda with me. I do not have a picture of Michele. That is sad, but I will get one and add later.
I was just thinking! Do you know what makes me happy? Giving something to someone. That makes me happy. I love to see a smile come on their face, or get a hug, or even sometimes a very small tear of love trickle down their cheek. Some people do not understand givers, and they feel they have to give something back in return. Nothing is farther from the truth. Others think it is selfish to give and get so much joy from it when they have not given to you. It is not selfish. It is just the way we are and please, be a gracious receiver by enjoying it with us. Your acceptance is gift enough for us. If you want to give us something back, make it a smile, or a hug, or just plain be happy.
I was just thinking! Do you know what makes me sad? Animal abuse! That is what really makes me sad. I do not like to see pictures or witness animal abuse. I cannot even watch shows that portray survival of the fittest. I know that is nature’s way, but it cuts into my very soul. Child abuse! That is abominable. Abusing people or things that cannot defend themselves hurts me to the quick.
I was just thinking! Do you know what I dislike? People who think they know everything and interrupt you while you are talking. I dislike liars, cheats, dishonesty, and thieves. I dislike that I cannot clean my house anymore myself, or work in my garden like I used to, or having to ask someone to do something for me that I once could do for myself.
I was just thinking! Do you know what I enjoy? I enjoy my Mickey Mouse collection and my dolphin collection. I enjoy writing poetry and writing my blogs, and just writing period. I enjoy doing my hobby work, which is creative, and that is a joy in itself, to be able to create. I enjoy my family, and I enjoy Susan, Michele, and Nelda! Sometimes, I even enjoy myself. That is when I am creating and writing.
I was just thinking! Maybe I will write more next time!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Walk In His Shoes!

This is one of those days where you get to hear from someone you love and are so very happy to hear from them, but the news they bring takes some of the joy away from the call. After saying ,"Hello", the familiar voice brought a big smile to my face. It was one of my nephews from the state of Florida. I told you some time back that my nieces and nephews love me, and this one in particular keeps in very good contact with me. After the usual how are you, and small talk, he informed me my niece, his sister, was back in the hospital. She had just been out of the hospital for about a week now from brain surgery. Even though the tumor was much larger than had been thought, the operation went well and she was doing very good. I talked to her on the phone and her spirits were up and everything was going along better than expected. This came as a complete surprise to me and I called her in her hospital room as soon as I hung up from my nephew Phil. She explained that there was a leakage which had caused and infection and they had placed a drain in her back. I did not ask where it went from there as it was more than I wanted to hear. I am so squeamish and she is the one going through it. Shame on me!! Anyway they are keeping a good eye on it and if everything does as it should do and the infection subsides, then she can come home on Monday. This is Thursday today. I am so upset that she has no family near to be with her, but she says all her friends are so good to watch out for her so that makes me feel a little better. Her niece is hoping to move to Ridgecrest to be near her soon. If I could travel, I would go. Back on the phone with my nephew I asked how his brother was doing. I had thought that he was doing well from having Leukemia. I heard last that it was not that much to worry about as he would probably die of something else before Leukemia took him. However things have taken a turn for the worse for him also. He is now taking chemotherapy. Phil was a little miffed at his brother because he referred to him as, "The most obnoxious person I have ever known and he is mean!" Wow! I was surprised at that as those boys (men now) have been very close all their lives. I could not help chuckling a bit as I said to him,"Are you just now becoming aware of that?" Let me explain. This one, Gary, has always been like his mom, "Queenie," only more so. He believed he was the handsomest guy walking, and he was insulting, verbally abusive, and a bit sadistic. He found what he said and did very humorous and usually laughed after he has closed his mouth. Phil, as a youngster and into his teens used to think his brother was funny also. He would get a big charge out of Gary's antics. Gary was always in charge of things and Phil adored his brother. In fact doing what he was told to do by his bro got him in trouble often times. They both have been to visit me a couple of times in the past couple of years and I was delighted by them both. They finally grew up. Gary was still bit Gary, but he was not obnoxious. However this new turn of events with Phil being so upset with his bro, made me ask what the problem was. It seems Gary had reverted back to being mean and obnoxious recently when the two visited. In fact he was downright hateful. Well, this is what I told Phil about his brother. "All his life, Gary has been in control. He made the demands on people and if they did not like it they were gone. He treated his wife like a child, demanding that she do as he said. I saw her in tears at one of those sessions and he was a cold unfeeling person. Even though he softened in his aging, he has now met an enemy that he has no control over. Leukemia will do as it will and Gary has nothing to say. So Gary is mad, Gary is frightened! Gary is mean again because he is frightened and scared. Can you find it in your heart to have a little compassion for him?" Phil replied, "It will do no good ." There was no excuse for the way he acted when he was growing up and even the way he did into his adult life, but now after he had calmed down this has flared him up again. He knows no other way to fight. Now I am asking you out there, can you have compassion for those fighting an enemy that they can't conquer? Can you understand their fear and desperation? Can you forgive them for their mistakes and unkindness? You know, you may walk in their shoes someday! Ask any care taker how those fighting the unknown act and behave! It is rare to find the person who accepts the inevitable.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Blue Birds Of Happiness!

There was a shadow darting back and forth across my bedroom wall this morning as I was getting dressed. Curious, I walked to the window to see what was making the shadow sway back and forth like that. On the deck there are some hanging planter baskets filled with some kind of mossy stuff waiting to be filled with soil and flowers. It was raining trickles, so it was not hard enough to make the movement. The rain was nice and much needed for the spring flowers to show themselves. Aha! There was a large creature, blue in color, and keeping a watchful eye out on me as it saw me move towards the window. Wait! There are two of them. Each on a seperate basket and each swinging back and forth. Two parents of the Blue Jay family getting ready to start a family of their own. I was careful not to make too much movement so as not to frighten them away. They did not trust me though and as their beaks plunged into the mossy stuff, their heads were cocked to the side watching what I might be doing next. I froze so as not to scare them away, for their activity was fascinating. Down went their beaks into the stuff, up came their heads and a shake upwards made the moss slip to the back of their bills. That enabled them to take another big bite of the stuff and fill their bills to the maximum. I moved just a smidge and one of them shot a quick glance my way. It must have warned the other one that someone was too close for comfort, because quickly they both took flight with their booty in tact. Hey, I shouted at them through the closed window. You are welcome to come back anytime. I don't mind sharing my mossy stuff, and if you need it all, I can always get more. They were out of sight though, but I hope they know I do not mind sharing and will come back so I can feel I was a part of their building a home for their little ones.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Do You See What I See?

Well, I have criticized, praised, cried, and laughed through all my writings of my four siblings, and three half sisters. It is now time to take a look at me through my own eyes. Some will be surprised at how I perceive myself and find it hard to believe because of how they see me, but this is the honest to goodness truth of a look into myself. To everyone I come in contact with, I come across as a confident, strong, outgoing, fun loving person. That is good as I have them all fooled. In actuality I am not confident at all and most often feel inferior to people I meet. I am shy about going places by myself. I find it hard to walk into a room without someone by my side. I say,"I am sorry" a lot because I feel responsible for whatever is happening at the time.I often say that I am sorry whether it is my fault or not. In grocery and department stores or just walking down the street, I am the one who moves aside for the other person or if we bump into each other I say, "I am sorry.' It is rare to have someone say that to me. I make friends easily because I want people to like me. I am so afraid I won't be liked. Despite all this inward feeling I do not back down to someone who is not being nice to me. I am not afraid to speak up and if I have something to say, I usually say it. I have a friend who tells me I can say what is on my mind, but that I do it very tactfully. I am true to the water sign Aquarius and get my feelings hurt very easily. I will cry at the drop of a hat if I feel picked on. I say O.K. to some things I do not want to do just so that the person asking won't dislike me. I am getting better though. One of my bad faults is trying to change the world. I think I can make everyone see that what I think is the correct way of thinking. It upsets me if I can't change a mind. People's bad habits and manners upset me. My dad was a stickler for good manners so I guess his teachings have stuck with me. My worst fault is I am a scardy cat. I hate being alone. I imagine all sorts of things when I am. It may have come from that "boogey man" experience, I do not know. Can we blame everything on the past? My good points are that I have many talents. When in school I was in many plays, and I entertained at many school rallies, (always writing my own scripts) and I was on our local radio station in a program called "Us Kids Of Seventeen." On the radio station I wrote my own scripts also. Always humorous. I guess I was a stand up comedian. HA! If you find this strange that I did this when I said I am shy and inward, I can explain by telling you it is a lot different being in front of a whole crowd of people than meeting with them one on one. Strange, but true. I entertained at local lodges, which was harder because of the smaller group of people and I usually performed directly in front of them rather than on a stage. That made me very nervous, but I did enjoy entertaining them. I was in the girls drum and bugle corps which marched in a few parades. I belonged to the "Saddle Club" and rode horses in parades while belonging to that also. Never at the same time though if you were wondering about that. I belonged to the saddle club first. I also write poetry and have many hobbies. I can cut something out of wood, paint it, and create a wall hanging, yard work, or a functional piece. I paint ceramics, and sometimes sew something if it is simple. I did punch embroidery for years, creating pictures on clothing. I can repair a lot of things in chalk ware and sometimes ceramics. I love to create. I am very fortunate to have a lot of friends who really like me. In school I had many girlfriends. One girl was my best friend, but I was really close to all of them. I still keep in contact with some to this day! My nieces and nephews all love me and keep in contact with me all the time. Even those out of state. However my two grandchildren do not like me. I don't really know why not except their mom (who is long divorced from my son) has bad mouthed me to them so much I think they believe it. I have been nothing but nice to her, but she does not like her own mother either so I do not worry any more about that. I asked my granddaughter if we could not start over from whatever was wrong and have a relationship like we should. She responded saying we could if I would follow the rules she set down on paper as to what I could and could not do. I do not follow rules well and do not like walking on thin ice, so we have no relationship at all. My grandson is distanced from me also. I love him very much though, but he is mad at me because we were in a crowd of people one time when he entered and ignored me completely. I waited a bit before saying,"Well Joe, aren't you going to say hello to me?" He barked at me that he was talking to his dad. He thought for a minute and then said,"Do you want a hug?" Of course I said ,"Yes." He later would not enter a room where I was as he said he felt uncomfortable. I have not seen him since. My grandson has cystic fibrosis and his life expectancy is not good so I worry, but will not force him to do what he does not want. My step granddaughter adores me and is very much a part of my life. I can be a grandmother to her, and she loves me all the more for it! I don't know if it is a good or bad trait, but if you are good to me I will give you the world. (well almost) I am sure there is a lot more if I dug deeper, but that's all for now folks!