Love Thy Brother

Although my oldest sister said she and my brother were closer to each other than the rest of us, it was me to whom my brother came when he wanted advice. My father did such a poor job of raising him that he was very limited in relationships with women. He just did not know how to treat them and therefore ended up very lonely until his senior years. Since dad was such a "bad boy," he was going to make sure his son did not turn out like him. He drilled it into him that you did not sleep with females until after you were married. One night my brother came home late from a date and my dad rushed him to the hospital emergency at the wee hours to have a doctor check him out for anything being wrong. Can you imagine? I just wish I could have been there to hear the doctor's response to that one. My brother lost the love of his life because he would not sleep with her until they were married. She broke it off because of it. Actually, maybe he was lucky if she was not willing to wait. He was a hard worker, and always dreamed of making it big. He entered contests and invented crazy things, all of this thinking it would open doors. He was very religious, and very opinionated. He was stubborn and would argue with you at the drop of a hat. He also had a temper, but it just came out verbally. He was not one to share. He never wanted to give anything away to anybody and he was a pack rat. He saved most everything, magazine, papers, cottage cheese and butter tubs. To his credit he used some of the tubs to plant starter flowers or veggies, but the rest were stored. He was not keen on showers or bathing. What he learned in childhood, he carried over into his adult life. Since we were poor and lived during the depression we had to save on water and electricity, so we could only have a bath in a big galvanized tub, once a week. I am positive my brother had Parkinson's disease early in his life, but no one did anything about the obvious symptoms of something being wrong. When he was in high school he used to fall asleep doing his homework. Other times he fell asleep at strange times and places. All that happened was his getting yelled at that if he was sleepy he should go to bed. When he was around forty five or fifty and I observed his tremors in his hands, I suggested something was wrong and he should consult a doctor, he became angry with me and said "Nothing is wrong with me." This happened on several occasions until I gave up and kept still. He was finally diagnosed with Parkinson's and that is what took his life. I loved my brother and we got along fine in our adult life,but it was sad to see in his senior years that a lady took terrible advantage of him and unaccustomed as he was to spending money, she got him to do it and left him as soon as the money ran out.
He did find a lovely lady to share his last days with before she died, but there again, as good as she was to show him how to have fun in life, (travelling, hobbies,etc.) she too took what he had saved for his only son and benefited her own children on her death. He had sold his home to use the money to improve hers, but in the end he only had privilege to stay in the home and everything was left to her children. He was so very naive in many ways. When he came to me and my husband for advice on things, I could not believe he would not know these things himself. Even to things that happened to his own body was a mystery to him. I have to say this one thing though, I shall always remember, at one point in my life when I needed some advice, it was he who gave me the answer. I shall always be grateful to him for that. I feel so badly that he lived the unhappy life that he did. Shame on my father for keeping him in such a prison.
I have decided there is more I should tell you before I end this story, so please read with an open mind. Thank you!
When he became old enough to apply for social security, my brother discovered he was born illegitimate. That was a sad day. He cried and said, All these years my father has lied to me. I lost my one love because of it." All of us girls knew because my oldest sister had snooped in some papers when she was young and it got passed around from sister to sister. I do not know if we ever told my mom that we knew, but one time when I was living with my parents because of circumstances, I learned that my dad had held this over my mom’s head all these years. It was as if he thought it was all her fault and he had nothing to do with it. I guess way, way back then, that was the general opinion of people. If a woman got pregnant she was bad, but the guy was absolved of any wrongdoing. Well one day I heard mom and dad arguing in the bedroom with the door closed, and he was saying to her, “You better behave yourself or I am going to tell you know what.” That did it, I could no longer stand and listen to him threaten her for something that he was a part of, but for which he would take no responsibility. I opened the door and said, “Well she is free now from your hold on her and your secret is no longer something you can hold over her head. All of us girls know and have known for some time. I am so grateful that I do not have a man in my life like you! Do you actually think she did it alone and you have no responsibility?” I was so angry and I said more, but right now I cannot recall. I do remember his response, which was to snivel and walk back to the kitchen, saying, “OH, I wonder if I was illegitimate and my mother never told me.” I was so mad by that time I just yelled at him, ”What difference does it make? You are here aren’t you?” No one ever told my brother even after we all begged my parents to do so, as we knew there would come a time when he found out and he did. Look how sad that turned out.