Thursday, May 7, 2009

Walk In His Shoes!

This is one of those days where you get to hear from someone you love and are so very happy to hear from them, but the news they bring takes some of the joy away from the call. After saying ,"Hello", the familiar voice brought a big smile to my face. It was one of my nephews from the state of Florida. I told you some time back that my nieces and nephews love me, and this one in particular keeps in very good contact with me. After the usual how are you, and small talk, he informed me my niece, his sister, was back in the hospital. She had just been out of the hospital for about a week now from brain surgery. Even though the tumor was much larger than had been thought, the operation went well and she was doing very good. I talked to her on the phone and her spirits were up and everything was going along better than expected. This came as a complete surprise to me and I called her in her hospital room as soon as I hung up from my nephew Phil. She explained that there was a leakage which had caused and infection and they had placed a drain in her back. I did not ask where it went from there as it was more than I wanted to hear. I am so squeamish and she is the one going through it. Shame on me!! Anyway they are keeping a good eye on it and if everything does as it should do and the infection subsides, then she can come home on Monday. This is Thursday today. I am so upset that she has no family near to be with her, but she says all her friends are so good to watch out for her so that makes me feel a little better. Her niece is hoping to move to Ridgecrest to be near her soon. If I could travel, I would go. Back on the phone with my nephew I asked how his brother was doing. I had thought that he was doing well from having Leukemia. I heard last that it was not that much to worry about as he would probably die of something else before Leukemia took him. However things have taken a turn for the worse for him also. He is now taking chemotherapy. Phil was a little miffed at his brother because he referred to him as, "The most obnoxious person I have ever known and he is mean!" Wow! I was surprised at that as those boys (men now) have been very close all their lives. I could not help chuckling a bit as I said to him,"Are you just now becoming aware of that?" Let me explain. This one, Gary, has always been like his mom, "Queenie," only more so. He believed he was the handsomest guy walking, and he was insulting, verbally abusive, and a bit sadistic. He found what he said and did very humorous and usually laughed after he has closed his mouth. Phil, as a youngster and into his teens used to think his brother was funny also. He would get a big charge out of Gary's antics. Gary was always in charge of things and Phil adored his brother. In fact doing what he was told to do by his bro got him in trouble often times. They both have been to visit me a couple of times in the past couple of years and I was delighted by them both. They finally grew up. Gary was still bit Gary, but he was not obnoxious. However this new turn of events with Phil being so upset with his bro, made me ask what the problem was. It seems Gary had reverted back to being mean and obnoxious recently when the two visited. In fact he was downright hateful. Well, this is what I told Phil about his brother. "All his life, Gary has been in control. He made the demands on people and if they did not like it they were gone. He treated his wife like a child, demanding that she do as he said. I saw her in tears at one of those sessions and he was a cold unfeeling person. Even though he softened in his aging, he has now met an enemy that he has no control over. Leukemia will do as it will and Gary has nothing to say. So Gary is mad, Gary is frightened! Gary is mean again because he is frightened and scared. Can you find it in your heart to have a little compassion for him?" Phil replied, "It will do no good ." There was no excuse for the way he acted when he was growing up and even the way he did into his adult life, but now after he had calmed down this has flared him up again. He knows no other way to fight. Now I am asking you out there, can you have compassion for those fighting an enemy that they can't conquer? Can you understand their fear and desperation? Can you forgive them for their mistakes and unkindness? You know, you may walk in their shoes someday! Ask any care taker how those fighting the unknown act and behave! It is rare to find the person who accepts the inevitable.

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