Saturday, May 16, 2009

Growing Older

Growing older is not easy. It is not easy either to be a caretaker of an older person. Since I have done both I believe I am qualified to talk, or I should say write, on the subject. Growing old is something no one can avoid. You start it the minute you are born. Have you ever thought about that? Well, it is not so bad until you reach about sixty. That is when things start becoming noticeable. Of course there are a lot of people who freak out about their age at thirty and some at forty. Those numbers seem to bother a lot of people. But do not worry about it too much. Those are just numbers and you still look pretty good, so relax! It is when first one pain and then another start letting you know you are getting there. Also when your doctor starts sending you for this test and that test, “But not to worry,” he says, “We are just being safe”, or cautious or whatever it is he knows, but you don’t. Suddenly you are aware that yes, you are getting older. Try real hard to say, “I am just fine,” when someone asks, “How are you?” Trust me! It is only a social greeting and they really do not want to know, so don’t dive into all the things of which you are suddenly aware. They have their own to worry about, and if you talk about yours they are going to reciprocate by telling all the things that are wrong with them also, and there you both are stuck in a conversation neither one wanted to know about. Just keep smiling.
Smiles cure so much and they are not painful to take. Now some old folks are not easy to take care of. In fact some can be downright mean. Those that still have all their faculties are usually pretty nice and feel badly because you have to wait on them. Others think it is your duty to wait on them and are always in need of something. They can be very critical of everything you do. Please, let me be the nice one. I try so hard to be that way because I know what a caretaker faces. I am not qualified to tell you how to handle the ones who no longer have their faculties, because I have never had to take care of them. I can however tell you how to handle the rest. In my cases, at least, I have found out that communication is the best answer, and it solves a lot of misunderstandings. When they become angry or upset over something, for heaven's sake, do not quarrel with them. That solves nothing and leaves you both angry and it is very hard to repair. I know when their minds are as alert as yours that it is not easy to hold your temper, but you can do it. Just ask them, ”What is wrong? Let’s talk about it.” Ask if you did something wrong and if so what can you do to fix it. If they are the ones who have caused the problem, then say, “Let’s talk about this. You need to know why you have upset me.” Get a good conversation going without anger and usually any problem can be solved. Also listen to them and make them listen to you. All with understanding and most importantly with a great big smile. Remember me saying a smile can fix a lot of things. Most people can’t stay mad when you are smiling. YOU can’t stay mad when you are smiling. It is not easy growing old and it is not easy to be a caretaker of us oldies. Sometimes you drove us crazy when you were children, and now the whole situation has turned around. The parent becomes the child and the child becomes the parent. Life is so confusing, isn't it? In closing I want to tell you when I was taking care of my ninety five year old mother, she became upset when my husband and I were going out for the evening. We hired a sitter just like you do for your children because at her age we did not want to leaver her alone. I knew something was wrong as she looked like she was pouting. I asked her what was wrong and she said, “I just wished I could go out and go dancing too instead of sitting here in this rocking chair.” Right away I stopped on my way out, sat down on the floor by her feet and told her, “I know of course that is what you would like to do. I also wish you could do that, but mom, you have had your day and you have had a lot of fun in your day, but it is now my turn. Soon, I will be the one in the chair and my children will be going out and leaving me wishing the same thing you are wishing now. We all have to take our turns.” She patted my hands and said, “I know, have a good time”

No comments:

Post a Comment